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| Day three of no caffeine. It wouldn't be a problem for most people, but caffeine and I go back a number of years with four or five Dr. Peppers a day being the norm. I scaled back to one a day for a couple weeks, and went off it entirely lately. I feel a little like I'm freaking out sometimes, and drowsiness COUPLED with insomnia is a fun state, but when I wake up, I actually feel rested. This is new, shockingly enough. Smoking is the crutch to deal with the shaky hands and the irritability right now for a couple more weeks, and then that's out the window. Yes, I know both are horribly irresponsible life decisions, but those phases will be done and over by the end of the year and I don't think I'll be looking back. The cigs will be easier to shrug off - they're nice at first for the relaxation but when it comes down to needing two Marlboro 100s to get that buzz, no thank you.
I'm starting to get into the best shape of my life. It's the only job in my department that is not a sitdown-and-inspect-stuff routine, and in a sense it would be "easier" to take on one of those, especially on days when the soreness from bend-and-lift all day long starts to wear on the back, but it's a workout of sorts five days a week and the pay is nice even as a temp so I deal. The shipping containers are only 70 pounds apiece but shifting around whole stacks of them and hauling around whole skids of them for hours at a time can be fun. When all's said and done, Kodak's not a horrible place and I wouldn't mind hanging around for a while. Some of the engineers on the floor are dipshits, people with degrees who don't appear to operate with any sort of logic, but the people I work with are decent and there haven't been any incidents. Second shift sucks in its own right, though the fact that I am entitled by my job description to go wander off to work away from everyone while listening to music and moving at whatever pace I feel IS a nice perk.
When it gets nice out here in a couple months, I am going to hunker down and get my ass out and moving more - running, walking, whatever works. Weight problems run HIGH on my dad's side and the fact that I ran into them as a kid and am fully out of all that right now is only more motivation to hold onto it. No time like the present while I still have a youthful metabolism. Well, fast food is in the works to eliminate from the bad decisions list. Finding the motivation to cook when you are on your own and surrounded by all manner of shitty cheap food isn't always easy but I can actually cook when I take the time and I need to stop even looking at that Wendy's garbage.
Everyone around me's getting married - not even in their mid 20s. A buddy of mine has one kid of uncertain paternity with an ex, married to a girl with a toddler and they have one on the way. YIKES. I mean, I can see how it could possibly make someone happy, when I'm over there hanging, I don't usually know how to deal with kids and if someone hands me a baby to hold I look like a deer in the headlights, but their two-year old is such a good kid when's she's not running hyper from wall to wall. She'll always run up and start handing me pop-up books and toys and such, play hide and seek and giggle and do all those adorable little kid things. It's a little disarming and I see why people want to start a family early, but... ugh, no thanks for me, not right now. Things are going too well to get into all that. I've lived in a twice-divorced household and seen all that throughout my early teens.
Living my own life, working hard, pushing hard to finish school sooner than later (switching majors from networking track to... I have no idea yet. We'll jump that hurdle once I finish my gen. ed. core classes...), and enjoying the freedom. :D
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| I'll just make this short and say that I am finally getting that calm, mellow feeling I've been lacking, that everything is stacked in my favor. New apartment, no roommate or roommate's girl to screw things up, back in school, settling into the new job, finally having a social life again now that I'm off graveyard shift. The last part's funny because I am geeking out with games more than I have in a while, well, one in particular, but all there's good. I bust ass during the week, I work hard, I still find plenty of personal time and chilling with friends and family, so if I want to shoot the shit on a game for hours at a time I've paid my dues for it.
I could elaborate more, but really for now there is, for once since probably early childhood, nothing but smooth sailing. Good change.
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| Start new job on Wednesday at 2pm, tonight's my last night at the old. Rock on. | | |
| I just put in my two weeks' notice on Friday, and am FINALLY moving on to bigger and better things, and something that will not be a hassle with scheduling classes this semester.
Needless to say I'm anxious to have the next two weeks done and over with. | | |
| Well,
I need a new job. Third shift is a lonely, quiet kind of existence... it's nice to be able to go get things done early in the morning when everyone else is at work, and grocery stores at 4am and avoiding crowds is nice and all, but I am slowly sleeping/droning my life away and this just isn't going to work any more. Recently I've become more honest with myself and realized that my manager is not going to recognize any time soon how much effort I put in on a nightly basis at that place, just trying to earn my measly keep (the same as all of the folks who clearly don't give a damn, give or take twenty cents an hour or some such ghastly figure...) and maybe get a promotion sometime soon. Youth and inexperience has led me to believe that it'll happen, and now I just don't have the time to grind away another year, several maybe, while waiting to train up and earn another dollar an hour tops - which will still leave me at garbage pay. She's a decent boss and all, I could surely have worse in the lovely world of fast food, but I just can't come to terms with the way she handles (used figuratively...) training and motivating her staff. It all seems too half-assed for me, and in my inexperience, this being my first job, I guess I'm expecting far too much out of a restaurant.
I'll miss the people, and the times we've been through, good and bad really - they'll probably never know how much they contributed to making my job semi-bearable because I am and will never be more than a private person, but getting to know them has certainly taught me the value of honesty, teamwork, and just sucking it up as a group to get the hell through a rough shift. Currently, though, this place isn't for me any more. I need to break out, and keep a steady upward movement. I mean, it is my first job, but I am about to be nineteen years old, supporting myself fully, trying to get a firm hold on college and my future, and a) my brain is slowly withering from inactivity and forced interaction with what seems to be the biggest collection of senselessly drunk dumbasses in any one concentrated area and b) I am tired of slaving just to barely come out of a pay period with some money to my name, and my pay situation never changing. I just need a break from an employer that will give me a chance, and now that I know this particular job leads to a brick wall, I need to stop giving so much energy and frustration in vain at work. From this point out I plan to devote exactly as much attention and physical effort as 'normal' employees at my place of work and no more, because, let's face it, I am being compensated for exactly that, and all the two years of coming in on days off, staying late, coming in early, busting ass, covering others has earned me nothing but the feeling of having whored myself. It doesn't come easily to act like I don't care at all because I do care about doing a thorough and decent job but I'm not about to waste any more energy or concentration. Instead, all of that energy and concentration will be channeled into jobhunting. Whatever, wherever, so long as the pay is decent - really. I am aware that money should not be the sole motivating factor for a career, but I'm not looking for a career yet. I work in unskilled, thankless shit, and most anything in the area is a step up (well, I could be bagging groceries. Less money, but less work. Shrug.) so whatever comes along, I'm grabbing it with both hands and going along for the ride. Life seems already too short to live like this. | | |
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